Love yourself as much as your Kid + 3 Ways How
I talk to and work with moms.
Lots of moms.
Every woman I work with is strong and damn impressive, but many are exhausted and aren’t always living the life they want.
Exhausted because they put everyone else first at the expense of their health and happiness. Their kids, partner, job, home, family, you name it, and it comes first. They struggle to find the time, energy, or money to take proper care of themselves. Usually, it’s not because they lack the resources, it’s just those resources are allocated for their children. They need the time and space to rest and find themselves, but it doesn’t feel possible.
In working with these women, one single question often shifts the entire energy of our session. They will feel stuck and don’t know how to solve their problem. Then I ask them:
“What would you tell your child if they were struggling with what you are struggling with?”
The response I get is magical.
“I’d tell them to go to the yoga class”
“I would have them ask for help, even if it means paying”
“I want them to follow their dreams, and live a good life”
“They need to take care of themselves. They can’t be good for others if they aren’t cared for”
Suddenly, they have the answer to what they need to do. They can clearly see the solution and how to achieve it. They just haven’t put the same amount of love and care into themselves as their child. Moms will move heaven and earth for their children, so why not for themselves? Because they don’t see their worth or love themselves in the same way. So when faced with the possibility that their child may struggle in similar ways, its just a matter of granting the same level of worth to themselves as to their child.
What if we loved ourselves as much as we love our children?
Just sit with that thought for a minute. What would life look like if you loved yourself as much as you love your kids?
Maybe you’d make the time for your health.
Maybe you’d pursue the dreams you put on the back burner when they were born.
Maybe you would take an AMAZING vacation. . .without them!
Maybe you would ask for help.
Or maybe you’d lock the door and use the bathroom in peace. (It’s your dream. Who am I to judge?)
But once you can fully imagine it, then ask yourself, what would that feel like? I would bet money that it feels great! The best advice I have to offer? Love yourself like your child, and everything else will fall into place.
Why? Because you are someone’s child. You are as worthy of love, time, resources, and care as anyone else, your children included. You deserve to feel your best and enjoy life. Love yourself as much as your kids. Do it for yourself and do it for your kids. Some of the best moms I know are the ones who take the best care of themselves, and as a result, they have the patience, understanding, and love to offer, because they give it to themselves first.
Now all that is easier said than done, especially when we have a societal narrative telling us how mothers should put others first. Here are 3 ways you can start to show yourself a little more love.
Meet your needs as you would meet your child’s needs.
You make sure your kid sees a doctor, a dentist, gets enough sleep, eats balanced meals, stays active, and has fun. Why not do the same for you? Find just one small area of your life that you tend to neglect, and work on making yourself a priority there. It’s not always easy to put your needs first, but you will feel better and be happier if you do.
Talk to yourself like you would talk to your child.
This is one I believe most women struggle with. They think highly of their children, build them up with their words, they support and encourage their kids, and they, even on the worst days, love their children unconditionally. But that same unconditional love seems to lose steam when it is turned around to oneself. Start talking to yourself in the same way you would talk to your kid. Support your thoughts and dreams, think highly of yourself and your abilities, and even when you are not happy with your abilities, looks, weight, or what have you, talk kindly to yourself. General rule: if you wouldn’t say it out loud to you kids, don’t say it to yourself (out loud or in your head).
Seek a coach
Alright, shameless plug here ;)
Coaches have tools to help you love yourself. We are skilled in wading through the war-zone that can be our mind, identifying limiting beliefs and know how to sling shot you on the path to a healthier self-image and happier wellbeing. Because loving yourself is a first step in living the life you want, and coaches can help. Ok, shameless plug finished!
On a scale of 1-10, where are you on the self-love scale?